Impatient Me...

So let's be honest... I am incredibly impatient.  Like five year old impatient. Ok, maybe more like 10 years old because I have a five year old and I would like to think I act better than him.  HA!  But still, when I get something in my head that I want and I can justify that I can afford it and really NEED it, I am ready right then to go get it.  It's painful to wait, to not self indulge, to not satisfy what you think you need, want, and deserve.

Lately, I have felt more and more restless in my spirit--which leads to being more and more restless in my thoughts and crazier in my moods. Sorry, family!  I admit sheepishly that I am a control freak. I like STRUCTURE!  I like PLANS!  I like LISTS!  Too bad I don't utilize those tools better.

But, perhaps God is reminding me that HE is in control.  That He will give me EVERYTHING I need and want. Only it will be according to HIS plan, HIS list, and must be done HIS way. Now is when I feel weak.  When I struggle the most to relinquish control. I've always been this way. This constant struggle with God.  My heart knows that God provides.  My heart knows that God blesses in ways that we can never imagine.  But my head, oh my over analyzing, never-stop-thinking brain of mine won't give up very easily.

My friends hear me say over and over that I wish God would just lay it out there for me.  His PLAN for me.  Whack me upside the head with a skillet with an Ah HA moment of clarity!  Instead, He whispers so softly that I obviously fail to pay attention often enough or I wouldn't be feeling like this again.  Like I'm in His waiting room again.  Waiting on things I can't control.  Waiting on the next door to open.  Waiting to know the results of my tests.  Waiting to know the next move in the game of life.

Isn't that where He wants us though?  In constant NEED of Him?  Doesn't He find JOY with us drawing nearer to Him? Don't WE find JOY when we draw near?

So I will wait upon the Lord.  I will endure my impatient spirit and seek God.  I will pray more often and listen more closely for the faint whisper.  Would you pray for me and with me too?  Pray that I don't miss what God is saying to me.  Pray that He reveal my next move in His plan for me.  Pray that I will set myself aside.

I went for a walk this afternoon... started out as exercise (because I need too!) but it became a time of prayer and praise and reflection and hopefully a little listening as well.  I committed to 21 days of exercise and prayer time.  Getting my body and my mind and my heart in shape all at the same time.  I'm urgently praying for answers.  Thirty minutes carved out for God and myself.

I pray my over analyzing brain will shut up long enough to hear God's whisper and that I will fully relinquish myself to His plan.

 

These two were certainly worth the wait in His waiting room.